Personality Differences In Marriage
The saying "opposites attract" is true, but personality differences in marriage can make or break a happy home. No two people are alike and no one is expected to agree on everything all of the time; but polarized differences in emotional makeup can either provide the fodder for marital success or fan the flame of marital disaster. When couples marry, they not only bring excess emotional baggage into the relationship, but also likes and dislikes that can challenge the best of romantic bonds. The key to a lasting relationship is to find a middle ground whereby two individuals can coexist within the bonds of holy matrimony without discord. Instead of waging a constant cold war and continual power struggle, couples must learn how to give and take and walk in agreement as much as possible, if they want to stay married. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).
Consider the following scenario: a young couple is experiencing personality differences in marriage that could potentially become troublesome. June Robinson is a 24 year old career woman with a Type-A personality. A highly motivated marketing professional with energy to burn, she is outgoing, loves to socialize and is involved in several community outreach programs which, along with her career, require frequent out of town travel. June loves to dine out at new restaurants, attend the theater, and shop at area boutiques. Conversely, June's husband, Anthony, is a quiet stay-at-home guy whose greatest joy is tinkering with old cars and feeding the fish in his coy pond. He would be labeled a Type-B personality: a loner who tends to be introverted, but is self-motivated. Anthony does not like to travel, prefers home cooked meals, and hates to shop because of the crowds.
The personality differences in marriage experienced by the Robinsons may stem from childhood experiences and upbringing. June may have been brought up in a busy household with other siblings who engaged in lots of social activities. She probably developed verbal communication and social skills early in life and feels more at ease with people than Anthony. Conversely, her husband's tendency to prefer being alone might be indicative of a childhood with either too much or too little social interaction. Sometimes children in noisy, overcrowded home environments become introverts as adults. Those who grew up in isolated settings-- perhaps as an only child--may also develop a Type-B personality. Because of their personality differences in marriage, statistics indicate spouses like June and Anthony will likely wind up divorcing after the first two or three years of marriage; and certainly have little prospects of growing old together, since there is obviously very little in common.
When couples with diametrically opposed personality differences in marriage have trouble finding common goals, aspirations and dreams, they may sacrifice individuality to please a spouse who does not share similar likes and dislikes. For instance, a social butterfly like June will never be content to stay at home and miss out on all the fun of meeting new people, dining out and shopping. Anthony may eventually resent June's disinterest in his hobbies. As the two pursue separate interests, personality differences in marriage may cause them to grow apart or gravitate to someone of the opposite sex who shares interests more than their mate. But, becoming emotionally involved with someone outside of the marriage can lead to infidelity, or worse-- divorce. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and payer; and come together again, that satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (I Corinthians 7:4-5)
Partners with polarizing personality differences in marriage can resolve issues by agreeing to disagree-- in other words, allowing those differences to work for and not against the relationship. Instead of resenting or begrudging one spouse's penchant for things that disinterest the other, couples should encourage mates to occasionally enjoy hobbies and past times alone. If each partner feels free to express themselves as individuals, they will value shared moments even more. Allowing husbands and wives to enjoy a part of their life that is not shared may actually strengthen the relationship. The Robinsons should set aside an evening when June can have a night out at the theater, preferably with a female friend or close relative. Stay-a-home Anthony can still enjoy tinkering in the garage, as long as he is mindful to keep a balance and spend quality time with June.
The beauty of holy matrimony is that it is constantly evolving, as are the partners who choose to wed. As the love between husbands and wives matures over the years, couples will find themselves growing together and putting into proper perspective the big and small issues that faced on a daily basis. Individual likes and dislikes will lessen as each discovers that special oneness that can only be found in marriage. To make wedlock work, couples should also find an activity or hobby that interests them both. The willingness to compromise is crucial! Personality differences in marriage don't have drive a couple to the divorce courts. Opposites can attract when each party works hard to compromise and find a middle ground on issues that are important to one another while maintaining a level of individuality.
Consider the following scenario: a young couple is experiencing personality differences in marriage that could potentially become troublesome. June Robinson is a 24 year old career woman with a Type-A personality. A highly motivated marketing professional with energy to burn, she is outgoing, loves to socialize and is involved in several community outreach programs which, along with her career, require frequent out of town travel. June loves to dine out at new restaurants, attend the theater, and shop at area boutiques. Conversely, June's husband, Anthony, is a quiet stay-at-home guy whose greatest joy is tinkering with old cars and feeding the fish in his coy pond. He would be labeled a Type-B personality: a loner who tends to be introverted, but is self-motivated. Anthony does not like to travel, prefers home cooked meals, and hates to shop because of the crowds.
The personality differences in marriage experienced by the Robinsons may stem from childhood experiences and upbringing. June may have been brought up in a busy household with other siblings who engaged in lots of social activities. She probably developed verbal communication and social skills early in life and feels more at ease with people than Anthony. Conversely, her husband's tendency to prefer being alone might be indicative of a childhood with either too much or too little social interaction. Sometimes children in noisy, overcrowded home environments become introverts as adults. Those who grew up in isolated settings-- perhaps as an only child--may also develop a Type-B personality. Because of their personality differences in marriage, statistics indicate spouses like June and Anthony will likely wind up divorcing after the first two or three years of marriage; and certainly have little prospects of growing old together, since there is obviously very little in common.
When couples with diametrically opposed personality differences in marriage have trouble finding common goals, aspirations and dreams, they may sacrifice individuality to please a spouse who does not share similar likes and dislikes. For instance, a social butterfly like June will never be content to stay at home and miss out on all the fun of meeting new people, dining out and shopping. Anthony may eventually resent June's disinterest in his hobbies. As the two pursue separate interests, personality differences in marriage may cause them to grow apart or gravitate to someone of the opposite sex who shares interests more than their mate. But, becoming emotionally involved with someone outside of the marriage can lead to infidelity, or worse-- divorce. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and payer; and come together again, that satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (I Corinthians 7:4-5)
Partners with polarizing personality differences in marriage can resolve issues by agreeing to disagree-- in other words, allowing those differences to work for and not against the relationship. Instead of resenting or begrudging one spouse's penchant for things that disinterest the other, couples should encourage mates to occasionally enjoy hobbies and past times alone. If each partner feels free to express themselves as individuals, they will value shared moments even more. Allowing husbands and wives to enjoy a part of their life that is not shared may actually strengthen the relationship. The Robinsons should set aside an evening when June can have a night out at the theater, preferably with a female friend or close relative. Stay-a-home Anthony can still enjoy tinkering in the garage, as long as he is mindful to keep a balance and spend quality time with June.
The beauty of holy matrimony is that it is constantly evolving, as are the partners who choose to wed. As the love between husbands and wives matures over the years, couples will find themselves growing together and putting into proper perspective the big and small issues that faced on a daily basis. Individual likes and dislikes will lessen as each discovers that special oneness that can only be found in marriage. To make wedlock work, couples should also find an activity or hobby that interests them both. The willingness to compromise is crucial! Personality differences in marriage don't have drive a couple to the divorce courts. Opposites can attract when each party works hard to compromise and find a middle ground on issues that are important to one another while maintaining a level of individuality.
Personality Differences In Marriage
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