Unresolved Issues In Marriage
Just like cancer, unresolved issues in marriage can spread undetected until desperate measures must be employed to remove the malignancy. When husbands and wives harbor resentment, bitterness and anger over past hurts, ill feelings can infiltrate nearly every area of an otherwise happy home. Spouses can become embroiled in a cold war that neither of them can trace back to its origins. Instead of entreating one another with love, respect and kindness, a simple conversation becomes filled with insults, barbs and curt monosyllable responses. But nothing can be resolved until husbands and wives make an effort to voice concerns without arguments and accusations. In cases where communication has broken down, couples should seek the aid of a professional marriage counselor or spiritual adviser; that is, if they want the relationship to last.
Before spouses can restore any level of peace and harmony in the home, they must first determine if the marriage can be saved. Coming into agreement regarding the prognosis for a distressed union is nearly half the battle of dealing with unresolved issues in marriage. If both parties are amenable, time needs to be set aside to privately discuss problems, or arrangements made to meet with a relationship counselor. Many times, communication becomes so strained between spouses that only an impartial party can mediate. In recent years, marriage mediation has become an option for troubled couples trying to avoid divorce. An impartial counselor or minister should not take sides, but act as a sounding board to hear each grievance and bring a new perspective to a relationship that has met an impasse. Forgiveness is a prerequisite for reconciliation. "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses" (Mark 11:25-26).
Causes of unresolved issues in marriage may fall into two broad categories: money or "honey." Financial setbacks caused by bankruptcy, loss of employment, foreclosures, an addiction to gambling, or overall mismanagement can wreak havoc in any relationship. Husbands and wives enter into holy wedlock with certain expectations of having a reasonable amount of financial stability. A wife needs to know that the husband will be a good provider, that there will be food on the table, bills will be paid on time, and the lights will stay on. If husbands are incapable of providing these very basic necessities to enable wives to enjoy a reasonable amount of comfort, there is bound to be trouble. Any behavioral pattern that puts financial stability in jeopardy is likely to become fodder for financial failure. A good wife may not initially object openly to the husband's squandering or mismanagement of the family finances, but like a cancerous tumor, unresolved issues in marriage can fester just beneath the surface.
Past transgressions of infidelity, a spouse's continued involvement with an ex-husband or ex-wife, or a tendency to philander all fan the flame of unresolved issues in marriage. Husbands and wives need to feel that their marriage will not be threatened by an extramarital affair. When one or both parties have been guilty of adultery, the act may have been partly forgiven; but the guilty spouse's actions may remain under scrutiny. Wounds caused by unfaithfulness can fester over many years; and the pain of a past sexual indiscretion can hinder couples from moving forward. The spouse offended by an act of adultery must come to grips with the offense, considering their own weaknesses and working to restore their mate to spiritual wholeness. "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:1-2).
The process for dealing with unresolved issues in marriage might be an arduous one, even with the help of professional counselors and spiritual advisers. But like a malignant tumor, its detection is the first line of defense. Once couples have pinpointed the origin of anger, resentment or bitterness; genuine repentance and forgiveness must be administered in sufficient dosages to diminish the offense. A good marriage counselor or minister can help guide spouses toward recognizing and reconciling differences. Once the root cause of unresolved issues in marriage has been identified, love is the vehicle that can eradicate the offense and bring healing. As couples renew vows to be more prudent in managing the family finances and more importantly, commit to keeping the relationship pure from infidelity, the Holy Spirit can breathe new life into the marriage, completing the process of healing that the couple has begun.
How do troubled couples keep unresolved issues in marriage from cropping up again? By waging constant warfare against accusatory thoughts and refusing to remember past transgressions. Husbands and wives must resolve to accept one another as individuals who are imperfect, but capable of giving and receiving love if given half a chance. Having a genuine love will not only help couples in crisis forgive one another, but also provide an incentive to push past transgressions of the flesh. "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins" (I Peter 4:8). When the temptation to open old wounds arises, couples should learn to reapply the balm of forgiveness and cast negative thoughts into the sea of forgetfulness.
Before spouses can restore any level of peace and harmony in the home, they must first determine if the marriage can be saved. Coming into agreement regarding the prognosis for a distressed union is nearly half the battle of dealing with unresolved issues in marriage. If both parties are amenable, time needs to be set aside to privately discuss problems, or arrangements made to meet with a relationship counselor. Many times, communication becomes so strained between spouses that only an impartial party can mediate. In recent years, marriage mediation has become an option for troubled couples trying to avoid divorce. An impartial counselor or minister should not take sides, but act as a sounding board to hear each grievance and bring a new perspective to a relationship that has met an impasse. Forgiveness is a prerequisite for reconciliation. "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses" (Mark 11:25-26).
Causes of unresolved issues in marriage may fall into two broad categories: money or "honey." Financial setbacks caused by bankruptcy, loss of employment, foreclosures, an addiction to gambling, or overall mismanagement can wreak havoc in any relationship. Husbands and wives enter into holy wedlock with certain expectations of having a reasonable amount of financial stability. A wife needs to know that the husband will be a good provider, that there will be food on the table, bills will be paid on time, and the lights will stay on. If husbands are incapable of providing these very basic necessities to enable wives to enjoy a reasonable amount of comfort, there is bound to be trouble. Any behavioral pattern that puts financial stability in jeopardy is likely to become fodder for financial failure. A good wife may not initially object openly to the husband's squandering or mismanagement of the family finances, but like a cancerous tumor, unresolved issues in marriage can fester just beneath the surface.
Past transgressions of infidelity, a spouse's continued involvement with an ex-husband or ex-wife, or a tendency to philander all fan the flame of unresolved issues in marriage. Husbands and wives need to feel that their marriage will not be threatened by an extramarital affair. When one or both parties have been guilty of adultery, the act may have been partly forgiven; but the guilty spouse's actions may remain under scrutiny. Wounds caused by unfaithfulness can fester over many years; and the pain of a past sexual indiscretion can hinder couples from moving forward. The spouse offended by an act of adultery must come to grips with the offense, considering their own weaknesses and working to restore their mate to spiritual wholeness. "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:1-2).
The process for dealing with unresolved issues in marriage might be an arduous one, even with the help of professional counselors and spiritual advisers. But like a malignant tumor, its detection is the first line of defense. Once couples have pinpointed the origin of anger, resentment or bitterness; genuine repentance and forgiveness must be administered in sufficient dosages to diminish the offense. A good marriage counselor or minister can help guide spouses toward recognizing and reconciling differences. Once the root cause of unresolved issues in marriage has been identified, love is the vehicle that can eradicate the offense and bring healing. As couples renew vows to be more prudent in managing the family finances and more importantly, commit to keeping the relationship pure from infidelity, the Holy Spirit can breathe new life into the marriage, completing the process of healing that the couple has begun.
How do troubled couples keep unresolved issues in marriage from cropping up again? By waging constant warfare against accusatory thoughts and refusing to remember past transgressions. Husbands and wives must resolve to accept one another as individuals who are imperfect, but capable of giving and receiving love if given half a chance. Having a genuine love will not only help couples in crisis forgive one another, but also provide an incentive to push past transgressions of the flesh. "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins" (I Peter 4:8). When the temptation to open old wounds arises, couples should learn to reapply the balm of forgiveness and cast negative thoughts into the sea of forgetfulness.
Unresolved Issues In Marriage
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