Fighting Fair In Marriage
Fighting Fair in Marriage takes good communication skills and the determination to be a good listener. Conflicts are going to happen but how one reacts to those conflicts can determine the outcome. Some conflicts in marriage end up with one spouse mentioning divorce and walking out the door without taking the time to bring resolution to whatever just happened. Some subjects are painful and when the touchy ones get out of hand a person can go to the extreme in trying to deal with the emotions. Fighting fair in marriage means letting go of the fear of confrontation and replace the fear with love. This may be difficult to do because confrontation is very painful for a lot of people. However, God can give strength to look past the pain and to respond with love. "But unto you that fear My name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in His wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall" (Malachi 4:2).
Couples who fight in front of their children should consider the psychological damage that could result. Some experts believe that fighting fair in marriage means to keep the argument private. Children do not need to hear the awful things that are often said during a fight between parents. The adults can make up afterward and forget the ugly things that were spoken out of anger but children usually take it inwardly and think that the episode was their fault. Most kids can not stand to hear their parents talk about divorce and hating each another. So adults, be responsible and do not have disagreements in front of the kids or where the kids can hear them.
Bringing up things that have happened in the past is not fighting fair in marriage. This is a common problem among partners. They want to hurt the other partner so they lash out with issues that have happened in the past. If you want to fight fair then you must stay focused on what is currently going on. Communicating about the problem at hand can alleviate confusion and helps adults to work towards coming up with a solution. Name calling and dredging up old issues will make the argument last longer and both adults will go away feeling like they were attacked. Take out the time to think before speaking and offer constructive criticism. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and do not get defensive.
Being controlling and pointing blame is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can affect one's physical and mental health. Fighting fair in marriage means not throwing temper tantrums and threatening to leave. Verbal abuse can have a devastating effect on a person's self-confidence. Distrust of self and the desire to distrust future relationships can be a result of emotional abuse. A person who lives with someone who's abusive may have difficulty making decisions and may feel confused about his or her own feelings. The abuser may go so far as to humiliate him or her in public. If you find that this describes your own situation then go get some counseling, pray asking God for strength and guidance, and be determined to make a positive change.
Partners would do well to try and find a balance in the way they communicate. One partner may be overly quiet and keep everything inside. The other spouse may be very vocal and have a tendency to be dominant. Each adult needs to learn to communicate in a way that is healthy. Disagreements can end up with no resolution and can put a wedge between spouses. Fighting fair in marriage means finding a way to resolve issues in a positive way and not engaging in bad behavior. As a Christian, a person should be committing such issues to God and communicating out of love. There will never be a time when a couple will be able to agree on everything. Therefore, each one should decide to have the right attitude when disagreements happen.
Today is a good day to start fighting fair in marriage. Don't let another day go by before deciding to do everything out of love. Take out the time to treat your spouse with dignity and respect even if you don't feel like doing it. Most people respond to others based upon how they are being treated. If a person is constantly criticizing his or her spouse then there is bound to be hurt feelings. Put yourself in the other one's shoes and start treating him like you would like to be treated. "And he answering said, 'Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself'". (Luke 10:27) Practice understanding and forgiveness all the time.
Keeping a gratitude journal can help a person remember all the good things he appreciates about his spouse. Recall when things were good and there was love guiding the relationship. Think about when the change happened and what might have caused it. Fighting fair in marriage means giving one's spouse the benefit of the doubt all the time and responding to negative issues in a positive way. Be the first one to make the move to reconcile. Suggest to your spouse that communication needs to start with prayer and thanksgiving to God. Be led by the spirit of God in everything.
Couples who fight in front of their children should consider the psychological damage that could result. Some experts believe that fighting fair in marriage means to keep the argument private. Children do not need to hear the awful things that are often said during a fight between parents. The adults can make up afterward and forget the ugly things that were spoken out of anger but children usually take it inwardly and think that the episode was their fault. Most kids can not stand to hear their parents talk about divorce and hating each another. So adults, be responsible and do not have disagreements in front of the kids or where the kids can hear them.
Bringing up things that have happened in the past is not fighting fair in marriage. This is a common problem among partners. They want to hurt the other partner so they lash out with issues that have happened in the past. If you want to fight fair then you must stay focused on what is currently going on. Communicating about the problem at hand can alleviate confusion and helps adults to work towards coming up with a solution. Name calling and dredging up old issues will make the argument last longer and both adults will go away feeling like they were attacked. Take out the time to think before speaking and offer constructive criticism. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and do not get defensive.
Being controlling and pointing blame is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can affect one's physical and mental health. Fighting fair in marriage means not throwing temper tantrums and threatening to leave. Verbal abuse can have a devastating effect on a person's self-confidence. Distrust of self and the desire to distrust future relationships can be a result of emotional abuse. A person who lives with someone who's abusive may have difficulty making decisions and may feel confused about his or her own feelings. The abuser may go so far as to humiliate him or her in public. If you find that this describes your own situation then go get some counseling, pray asking God for strength and guidance, and be determined to make a positive change.
Partners would do well to try and find a balance in the way they communicate. One partner may be overly quiet and keep everything inside. The other spouse may be very vocal and have a tendency to be dominant. Each adult needs to learn to communicate in a way that is healthy. Disagreements can end up with no resolution and can put a wedge between spouses. Fighting fair in marriage means finding a way to resolve issues in a positive way and not engaging in bad behavior. As a Christian, a person should be committing such issues to God and communicating out of love. There will never be a time when a couple will be able to agree on everything. Therefore, each one should decide to have the right attitude when disagreements happen.
Today is a good day to start fighting fair in marriage. Don't let another day go by before deciding to do everything out of love. Take out the time to treat your spouse with dignity and respect even if you don't feel like doing it. Most people respond to others based upon how they are being treated. If a person is constantly criticizing his or her spouse then there is bound to be hurt feelings. Put yourself in the other one's shoes and start treating him like you would like to be treated. "And he answering said, 'Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself'". (Luke 10:27) Practice understanding and forgiveness all the time.
Keeping a gratitude journal can help a person remember all the good things he appreciates about his spouse. Recall when things were good and there was love guiding the relationship. Think about when the change happened and what might have caused it. Fighting fair in marriage means giving one's spouse the benefit of the doubt all the time and responding to negative issues in a positive way. Be the first one to make the move to reconcile. Suggest to your spouse that communication needs to start with prayer and thanksgiving to God. Be led by the spirit of God in everything.
Fighting Fair In Marriage
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