How To Avoid Fights In Marriage
Sound advice on how to avoid fights in marriage can be found in the Holy Bible. Couples seeking to establish and maintain peace must learn how to apply biblically-based instruction on avoiding marital conflict. The cause of any argument is the failure of two or more individuals to agree. But if partners can ever come to a consensus, there would be no basis for disagreement; and therefore, no foundation for a fight! The Bible explicitly states, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). The key to marital harmony then, according to scripture, is for husbands and wives to strive to (1) cultivate a spirit of agreement, (2) listen and learn to reason together, and (3) refrain from faultfinding and accusation.
Understanding God's purpose for marriage can be an impetus for husbands and wives to learn how to avoid fights in marriage and work towards cultivating consistent agreement. Ordained by God, matrimony is a vehicle whereby He makes two completely different individuals one; first through the physical union of flesh, or consummation. "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:3-6).
Secondly, God works in individual mates to conform individual wills to His and then to each others. The magic of marriage is that husbands and wives are not only united in the flesh, but also united in mind and in spirit as the love deepens and matures. Couples who have been together for several decades not only look alike, but also think alike. As the marital bond is strengthened, long term partners lose individuality. The longevity of the union is evidence that somewhere along the years, husbands and wives discovered how to avoid fights in marriage through the power of agreement! "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 18:19).
The spirit of agreement that fosters harmony comes from a genuine love. The Greek word for marital or passionate love is eros. With this kind of love, couples seek only to please one another. They strive for constant harmony and a continual exchange of mutual affection. Husbands and wives who have discovered how to avoid fights in marriage are adept at agreeing over the slightest thing because neither insists on having his or her way. The importance of winning an argument or having the last word no longer matters. Senseless power struggles that gender strife cease when spouses realize when either partner wins, both share the victory. The willingness to forfeit personal desires for the good of a mate is crucial; and those who have mastered the art of agreement reap the benefits of a happy, enduring marriage.
Some wives would argue, "But, he doesn't understand!" And husbands sometimes insist, "But, she doesn't understand!" Learning how to avoid fights in marriage has very little to do with understanding, but very much to do with a couple's ability to yield in love. And that does not mean allowing a partner to selfishly exert his or her will at the expense of another. Nor does compromising mean becoming a doormat. The goal of agreement is not to gain an understanding, but to understand the importance of maintaining marital harmony without compromising personal desires or standards.
If couples will learn how to avoid fights in marriage, they must also discover how to listen and reason together. As they discuss the pros and cons of ideas, decisions and choices without becoming defensive, both will come up with the same conclusion. If differing opinions threaten to provoke an argument, couples should table discussions until both are calm. What enables couples to reason and come to a consensus, but love? While most husbands like pleasing their wives, men can be very analytical. On the other hand, wives tend to be more emotional in making decisions. The key is achieving a middle ground while striving to ensure that both partners are satisfied and each has ample input in decision making based on individual preferences. That is called compromise; and the willingness to compromise comes from genuine love.
When reasoning together leads to hot tempers and accusations, couples should stop and reevaluate motives, return to sensibilities, and apply sound principles on how to avoid fights in marriage. The Bible states, "A soft answer turns away wrath." Couples should never allow individual passions to peak to the point of faultfinding and accusations. Young and old couples are prone to blaming one another for past mistakes or failures. But spouses should consider how accusations can injure. God's Word directs us to "Be ye angry, but sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4:26). Belittling a loved one, bringing up past disagreements, or berating a spouse for not agreeing is not how to avoid fights in marriage. But, by answering softly and maintaining a certain level of mutual respect, couples can reach the same conclusion without sacrificing a harmonious union.
Understanding God's purpose for marriage can be an impetus for husbands and wives to learn how to avoid fights in marriage and work towards cultivating consistent agreement. Ordained by God, matrimony is a vehicle whereby He makes two completely different individuals one; first through the physical union of flesh, or consummation. "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:3-6).
Secondly, God works in individual mates to conform individual wills to His and then to each others. The magic of marriage is that husbands and wives are not only united in the flesh, but also united in mind and in spirit as the love deepens and matures. Couples who have been together for several decades not only look alike, but also think alike. As the marital bond is strengthened, long term partners lose individuality. The longevity of the union is evidence that somewhere along the years, husbands and wives discovered how to avoid fights in marriage through the power of agreement! "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 18:19).
The spirit of agreement that fosters harmony comes from a genuine love. The Greek word for marital or passionate love is eros. With this kind of love, couples seek only to please one another. They strive for constant harmony and a continual exchange of mutual affection. Husbands and wives who have discovered how to avoid fights in marriage are adept at agreeing over the slightest thing because neither insists on having his or her way. The importance of winning an argument or having the last word no longer matters. Senseless power struggles that gender strife cease when spouses realize when either partner wins, both share the victory. The willingness to forfeit personal desires for the good of a mate is crucial; and those who have mastered the art of agreement reap the benefits of a happy, enduring marriage.
Some wives would argue, "But, he doesn't understand!" And husbands sometimes insist, "But, she doesn't understand!" Learning how to avoid fights in marriage has very little to do with understanding, but very much to do with a couple's ability to yield in love. And that does not mean allowing a partner to selfishly exert his or her will at the expense of another. Nor does compromising mean becoming a doormat. The goal of agreement is not to gain an understanding, but to understand the importance of maintaining marital harmony without compromising personal desires or standards.
If couples will learn how to avoid fights in marriage, they must also discover how to listen and reason together. As they discuss the pros and cons of ideas, decisions and choices without becoming defensive, both will come up with the same conclusion. If differing opinions threaten to provoke an argument, couples should table discussions until both are calm. What enables couples to reason and come to a consensus, but love? While most husbands like pleasing their wives, men can be very analytical. On the other hand, wives tend to be more emotional in making decisions. The key is achieving a middle ground while striving to ensure that both partners are satisfied and each has ample input in decision making based on individual preferences. That is called compromise; and the willingness to compromise comes from genuine love.
When reasoning together leads to hot tempers and accusations, couples should stop and reevaluate motives, return to sensibilities, and apply sound principles on how to avoid fights in marriage. The Bible states, "A soft answer turns away wrath." Couples should never allow individual passions to peak to the point of faultfinding and accusations. Young and old couples are prone to blaming one another for past mistakes or failures. But spouses should consider how accusations can injure. God's Word directs us to "Be ye angry, but sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4:26). Belittling a loved one, bringing up past disagreements, or berating a spouse for not agreeing is not how to avoid fights in marriage. But, by answering softly and maintaining a certain level of mutual respect, couples can reach the same conclusion without sacrificing a harmonious union.
How To Avoid Fights In Marriage
![]()
Reviewed by Anonymous
on
9:52 PM
Rating:
