Conflict Resolution In Marriage
Placing a priority on marital harmony makes conflict resolution in marriage relatively easy. While some couples seem to thrive on chaos and confusion, wise partners know the best way to stay married is to foster an environment of peace and unity. When the objective is to keep the peace, husbands and wives can work out differences amicably. The key to conflict resolution in marriage is to know when to submit to one another for the benefit of the relationship. It takes wisdom, love, and understanding not to win the argument, but to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. "I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 1:1-3).
Effectively using conflict resolution in marriage requires spouses to refuse to give into the anger that can accompany frustration. Being angry is a natural human emotion, but the Bible admonishes us to "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27). Notice, when couples are angry, they give place or space for the devil to exacerbate the situation. Tempers flare, hurtful words are spoken, and a happy home is broken. But, wise husbands and wives don't have to let the enemy control the household. Count to ten, count to twenty, yell and scream in the bathroom, but come out prepared to deal fairly with the situation. Counting to ten helps diffuse anger before a spouse can respond in the flesh. Walking away from an argument, being quiet, singing a song, or meditating on the Word are all methods of diffusing anger. In a moment of time, the blood pressure is lowered, the heart stops beating so sporadically, the pulse becomes normal, and a spouse is able to respond wisely without arguing and without accusations.
No one really wins an argument, but everyone wins when two people can either agree, or agree to disagree without bitterness or strife. If a husband and wife differ in opinions, there should be enough mutual respect to allow room for individual thought without ridicule. But because they are married, there must also be a common ground, a common thread of thought upon which two can agree. The wise man or woman seeks commonality, especially in a marriage relationship; preferring rather to focus on similar likes rather than dislikes. Conflict resolution in marriage, then, depends on whether husbands and wives can come into agreement. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).
Conflict resolution in marriage also requires learning how to pick the battles. Not every issue is worth arguing about, and some are not even worth discussing. What does it matter if the husband likes mustard on French fries; but the wife prefers catsup? Starting an argument over little things is a waste of time and energy. But having a healthy discussion over opposing views on whether to buy or rent a house is something worth hashing out. Marriage partners should learn how to share differing opinions without erupting into an argument. Each spouse should calmly state their case and politely discuss opposing views until a common perspective emerges. Following that thread of commonality will eventually lead to a conclusion both parties can readily adopt.
Fights are bound to happen in marriage, but couples should learn how to fight fair. A successful attempt at conflict resolution in marriage leaves room for couples to vent frustrations and even have heated debates without bashing or belittling one another. By refraining from attacking a mate's character, bringing up past failures, finding fault or making accusations, partners can have healthy discussions that don't hurt, wound or make their mate feel ashamed. The best rule of thumb when constructively settling arguments is for spouses to treat one another as they would want to be treated. In a conflict, voice opinions without raising one's voice. If one partner begins to talk loudly or shout, a gentle reminder to quiet their tone will keep the conversation on an amicable level.
Another tip for successful conflict resolution in marriage is for spouses to remember to express feelings rather than accuse a partner for some misgiving. For instance, John failed to inform his wife, Kelly, the boss was coming for dinner until 30 minutes before they were to arrive. Imagine the sheer frustration over having to clean the house, prepare a meal and look presentable for a first-time visit by an employer! How should Kelly respond? Throwing a tantrum won't help; nor will accusingly exclaiming, "You always wait until the last minute to tell me these things!" John may be guilty, but that won't change the fact that dinner should be ready in half an hour. But Kelly is entitled to self expression. A good response would be, "John, you know I am going to be under a lot of pressure to pull this dinner off. How can you help me? Do you have time to pick up something from the deli?"
Soliciting her husband's help in a time of great need not only puts John in the position of being somewhat of a hero, but it also stresses the fact that Kelly needs John's help to get out of a situation he caused. Most men love to become that knight in shining armor, rescuing their damsel in distress. In this case, a wise use of tactics to aid conflict resolution in marriage diffuses a potentially volatile situation. Because John and Kelly both want to keep the peace, dinner with the boss goes off without a hitch. By striving to maintain a peaceful coexistence, working to have the keep the same perspective, and avoiding making accusations, couples can have a harmonious marriage without serious conflicts.
Effectively using conflict resolution in marriage requires spouses to refuse to give into the anger that can accompany frustration. Being angry is a natural human emotion, but the Bible admonishes us to "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26-27). Notice, when couples are angry, they give place or space for the devil to exacerbate the situation. Tempers flare, hurtful words are spoken, and a happy home is broken. But, wise husbands and wives don't have to let the enemy control the household. Count to ten, count to twenty, yell and scream in the bathroom, but come out prepared to deal fairly with the situation. Counting to ten helps diffuse anger before a spouse can respond in the flesh. Walking away from an argument, being quiet, singing a song, or meditating on the Word are all methods of diffusing anger. In a moment of time, the blood pressure is lowered, the heart stops beating so sporadically, the pulse becomes normal, and a spouse is able to respond wisely without arguing and without accusations.
No one really wins an argument, but everyone wins when two people can either agree, or agree to disagree without bitterness or strife. If a husband and wife differ in opinions, there should be enough mutual respect to allow room for individual thought without ridicule. But because they are married, there must also be a common ground, a common thread of thought upon which two can agree. The wise man or woman seeks commonality, especially in a marriage relationship; preferring rather to focus on similar likes rather than dislikes. Conflict resolution in marriage, then, depends on whether husbands and wives can come into agreement. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).
Conflict resolution in marriage also requires learning how to pick the battles. Not every issue is worth arguing about, and some are not even worth discussing. What does it matter if the husband likes mustard on French fries; but the wife prefers catsup? Starting an argument over little things is a waste of time and energy. But having a healthy discussion over opposing views on whether to buy or rent a house is something worth hashing out. Marriage partners should learn how to share differing opinions without erupting into an argument. Each spouse should calmly state their case and politely discuss opposing views until a common perspective emerges. Following that thread of commonality will eventually lead to a conclusion both parties can readily adopt.
Fights are bound to happen in marriage, but couples should learn how to fight fair. A successful attempt at conflict resolution in marriage leaves room for couples to vent frustrations and even have heated debates without bashing or belittling one another. By refraining from attacking a mate's character, bringing up past failures, finding fault or making accusations, partners can have healthy discussions that don't hurt, wound or make their mate feel ashamed. The best rule of thumb when constructively settling arguments is for spouses to treat one another as they would want to be treated. In a conflict, voice opinions without raising one's voice. If one partner begins to talk loudly or shout, a gentle reminder to quiet their tone will keep the conversation on an amicable level.
Another tip for successful conflict resolution in marriage is for spouses to remember to express feelings rather than accuse a partner for some misgiving. For instance, John failed to inform his wife, Kelly, the boss was coming for dinner until 30 minutes before they were to arrive. Imagine the sheer frustration over having to clean the house, prepare a meal and look presentable for a first-time visit by an employer! How should Kelly respond? Throwing a tantrum won't help; nor will accusingly exclaiming, "You always wait until the last minute to tell me these things!" John may be guilty, but that won't change the fact that dinner should be ready in half an hour. But Kelly is entitled to self expression. A good response would be, "John, you know I am going to be under a lot of pressure to pull this dinner off. How can you help me? Do you have time to pick up something from the deli?"
Soliciting her husband's help in a time of great need not only puts John in the position of being somewhat of a hero, but it also stresses the fact that Kelly needs John's help to get out of a situation he caused. Most men love to become that knight in shining armor, rescuing their damsel in distress. In this case, a wise use of tactics to aid conflict resolution in marriage diffuses a potentially volatile situation. Because John and Kelly both want to keep the peace, dinner with the boss goes off without a hitch. By striving to maintain a peaceful coexistence, working to have the keep the same perspective, and avoiding making accusations, couples can have a harmonious marriage without serious conflicts.
Conflict Resolution In Marriage
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